Part 3 of the Series: Making Hard Employee Conversations Easier
by Julie Tuggle-Nguyen
In the first article of this series, we explored why difficult employee conversations feel so uncomfortable, and why avoiding them can create bigger problems. In the second, we focused on how preparation can make those conversations easier and more productive.
This third article is about what happens inside the conversation itself: what to say, how to say it, and how to keep the discussion focused, respectful, and effective. These are the moments that test leadership most, but with the right approach, they can also strengthen it.
Start Strong and Set the Tone
The first few moments of a difficult conversation matter. Make sure the setting is private, distraction-free, and appropriate for the discussion. These conversations deserve focus and professionalism.
Start with a simple greeting, then clearly state the purpose of the meeting. For example: “I want to talk with you about something I’ve observed because I want to help you improve and be successful here.” That kind of opening signals that the conversation is intentional and rooted in support, not punishment. Throughout the discussion, maintain a steady, professional demeanor and lead with integrity.
Be Direct, Specific, and Grounded in Fact
One of the most effective ways to deliver feedback is by using the SBI framework: Situation, Behavior, Impact. Describe the specific situation, explain the observable behavior, and then share the impact it had on the team, the work, or the business. This helps keep the conversation objective and focused on facts rather than emotion or interpretation.
Just as important, be direct. Many leaders try to soften constructive feedback by using the “Oreo” or “feedback sandwich” approach — placing the real issue between two compliments. While well-intentioned, that often creates confusion. If the employee walks away remembering the praise but missing the actual concern, the conversation didn’t do its job. Clear, honest feedback is far more helpful than overly padded feedback.
Manage Emotions Without Losing the Message
Even when feedback is delivered thoughtfully, emotions can surface. If the employee becomes defensive, emotional, or shuts down, your role is to stay calm. Acknowledge what you’re seeing — “I can tell this is hard to hear” — then gently refocus on the purpose of the conversation.
This is where leadership restraint matters. Keep your own emotions in check and avoid matching the employee’s intensity. The goal is not to “win” the moment; it’s to keep the conversation productive and centered on improvement.
Know When to Listen and When to Be Firm
Not every hard conversation should sound the same. In some situations, it’s helpful to invite dialogue and ask for the employee’s perspective. That can build understanding, surface obstacles, and create better buy-in.
But not every situation calls for collaboration. If this is a recurring issue that has already been addressed multiple times, the conversation may need to be more direct. In those moments, the leader’s job is not to debate the issue; it’s to clearly communicate the expectation. Leaders can be empathetic without becoming unclear.
Keep the Conversation Productive
Hard conversations can go off track quickly, especially if the employee becomes argumentative or tries to shift the focus. One of the best ways to stay on course is to enter the meeting with a few key talking points — the two or three things the employee should walk away understanding.
If the conversation starts to spiral, resist the urge to argue back. Stay focused on the behavior, the impact, and the outcome you need to see. And if the meeting becomes too emotional or unproductive, it’s okay to pause and reschedule rather than forcing it forward.
Close With Clarity and Commitment
A strong close is just as important as a strong start. By the end of the conversation, the employee should understand what didn’t work, what needs to change, and the timeline for improvement. They should also leave feeling like they were treated with respect.
This is also the time to align on next steps. Put expectations in writing, and follow up so there is no confusion later. The strongest conversations end with commitment from both sides: the employee commits to improvement, and the leader commits to support.
In the final article of this series, we’ll focus on what happens after the conversation, because follow-through is what ultimately turns feedback into real change.
Julie Tuggle-Nguyen is Chief Human Resources Officer at Midwest BankCentre.