“Perhaps the most important reason for self-disclosure is that without it we cannot truly love.”
— Sidney Jourard, founder and first elected president of the American Association for Humanistic Psychology
Disclosure is the act of revealing or making known previously concealed, private, or necessary information. It ensures transparency and enables individuals or organizations to make informed decisions without being misled.
Today I see more than ever why disclosure matters, especially at this time in U.S. history. In your business and in your personal life, you are likely plagued one way or another by increasing complexity, speed of change, new technologies, hostile politics, unstable economics, globalization, diversity, and changes in communication. These challenges and more are reflected in the business you run as much as in the society in which you live.
Separation
To thrive in our rapidly changing world, we cannot afford separation between people. Yet, we have more of it today than ever. People are separating over politics, religion, priorities, assumptions, and about what is true. Separations are occurring in families, neighborhoods, institutions and businesses. Separation is antithetical to the collaboration needed for success in projects, to innovate, co-create, solve problems and serve one another.
Separation hurts us on every level, individually and collectively, impacting our health, effectiveness, happiness, performance, profitability and even the survival of our businesses or our very lives. What is more troubling is that many people feel the pain of separation, see the costs, but don’t know what to do about it.
Causes Underlying Separation
Separation is a symptom of low trust. To create unity and collaboration, people must shift out of the power-under behavior in pseudo-community; keeping the peace by pretending everything is ok and that we only agree. We must also shift out of power-over behaviors in what author M. Scott Peck calls chaos; making others wrong, thereby justifying our attempts to fix, convert, change and even “heal” others. What is needed instead?
Resolving Separation
There are four behaviors needed to begin shifting power-over and power-under to power-within, power-between, and power-for one another. We must start by practicing empty, a way of operating that begins by deciding to intentionally connect with others when we would otherwise avoid having difficult conversations about the relationship, or we simply walk away.
Staying and disclosing takes courage and humility. We must do so with respect, receptivity, recognition, and the disclosure of what we are thinking and feeling without an agenda to change anyone. This ultimately requires disclosure with love for ourselves and others in equal measure.
Disclosure
I recently noticed I was tempted to separate from others. I came to realize this stemmed from resentment. What I thought was resentment for others was my own distress in failing to share myself. Once I realized I could do so while respecting others, recognizing their views, being receptive to them, and asking for the same from them (without demanding it), I started disclosing authentically and I felt great relief and a restored commitment to closeness.
Ever since then, I have been consciously working on disclosing more of who I am and what I am experiencing without strings attached to my sharing. I notice in doing so with respect, receptivity and recognition, I am restoring my authenticity and influence. I am practicing power-within, between and for myself and others. I ask for and offer curiosity. This is life-giving and opens positive possibilities within my personal and professional relationships.
I also see where many people around me are suffering losses related to separation instead of leaning into no-strings disclosure.
I recently read about a healthy community of people who live by two rules: tell the truth and don’t keep secrets. When we can do these without separating or trying to change people, we can all grow stronger and co-create amazing outcomes. n
Judy Ryan (judy@LifeworkSystems.com), human systems specialist, is owner of LifeWork Systems. Join her in her mission to create a world in which all people love their lives. She can also be reached at 314-239-4727.
People hire LifeWork Systems because we help businesses become agile and manage their priority system: their human system. I hope this article helps you make sense of what’s most crucial to your evolving organization!